Compliance

My youngest daughter, Mia, has always been a bit of a handful.  She is adventurous, witty, interesting, loving, quirky, and yes...strong willed.  They say that strong willed children grow up to become great leaders.  If that's the case, you may be looking at the first future female U.S. president!

“Compliance is conforming to an expectation or a request without really believing in what you are doing” (Myers & Twenge, 2015, p. 154).  Mia gets a lot of opportunities to practice compliance.  While we would prefer that she align herself with our values and embrace the skills and principals we are instilling when we give her certain tasks (this is called acceptance), there are times when she must be obedient despite her inner protest (Bennett, 2016).  The inner protest doesn't usually stay "inner" for very long, which my wife and I are fine with provided that when it comes out, it is done in a respectful way and that its content be constructive or have value beyond simply not wanting to do what she is told.  

One specific area where Mia must daily choose to be compliant is with a chore she and her sister share.  I have three AKC champion line Siberian Huskies that we breed.  A recent litter of six pups were so much fun...at first.  In the beginning stages of a puppies life, the mother does everything for them.  She feeds them, cleans them, and even makes them go to the bathroom by licking them.  When they defecate, she eats it and makes sure they stay clean.  But by around 3 or 4 weeks old, the puppies begin to be weaned.  They no longer are being kept clean by their mother and let me tell you, six puppies can make a lot of doo-doo.  It's especially disheartening when they insist on walking and playing in it.  My daughters get paid to keep the puppies and their pen clean in the 4 weeks after they are weaned and before they are sold.  They are compliant because they don't want to face the consequences of their disobedience - they don't get paid and have to do it anyway.  My wife and I have been open to negotiating various aspects of the process, which has helped us minimize resistance from Mia in particular.  She feels heard and respected and understood.  She still doesn't want to do what is being asked of her, but she realizes that sometimes in life you just have to comply.  

Bennett, Kevin. (2016). Do You Tip Here? The Power of Compliance and Acceptance. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-minds/201606/do-you-tip-here-the-power-compliance-and-acceptance

Myers, David, Jean Twenge. Social Psychology, 12th Edition. McGraw-Hill Learning Solutions, 10/2015. VitalBook file.