Self-Handicapping

When I got married nearly 15 years ago, I was a six-foot-tall 24-year-old that weighed 125 pounds.  People used to joke that when I turned sideways, I disappeared.  It wasn’t that I didn’t try to gain weight, I just couldn’t. I remember well the insecurity I felt walking into the gym week after week, hoping that my uninformed and misguided efforts to gain muscle mass would begin to produce tangible results.  It wasn’t until I began my journey to become a personal fitness trainer that I realized what I was doing wrong.  With a few small, but significant, tweaks to my diet and lifting regiment, within a year I managed to gain 50 pounds – the majority of which was muscle mass.

For this reason, I understand well that insecurities that surface when it comes to personal fitness and being comfortable in our own bodies.  Several months ago, I began lifting weights with a friend in my home gym.  Matt doesn’t feel comfortable in a public gym.  He is a great deal shorter than myself, moderately overweight, and has expressed apprehension over working out in front of another person.  He also has commented many times on the differences between the amount of weight I can lift vs the amount of weight he can lift.  

Every time we lift, Matt mentions a recent injury that will undoubtedly keep him from lifting as much as he could if he were uninjured.  According to Myers and Twenge, “Sometimes people sabotage their chances for success by creating impediments that make success less likely. Far from being deliberately self-destructive, such behaviors typically have a self-protective aim” (2015, p 25).  It isn’t that Matt is unmotivated to work on his own personal fitness.  On the contrary, he is very aware of his body and is quite self-conscious.  In every other area of life, Matt is aggressive when it comes to setting and pursuing goals.  Most people would identify Matt as a go getter.  In this area, however, he seems to be sluggish.  

"Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems in our life and interferes with long-standing goals" (Psychology Today, 2019).  Matt is clearly self-sabotaging by using artificial injuries to lower my expectations of him so that neither of us will be disappointed in his performance. As a result, at least on a superficial level, Matt is never disappointed with his workouts…but neither does he push himself to reach his potential.  

Currently, Matt is somewhat ambivalent regarding his self-sabotaging behaviors. This means that he is unaware (or perhaps in denial) of the fact that he is inventing injuries because he is insecure about his own fitness and perhaps intimidated by mine (Fisher & Harrison, 2012).  In keeping with Motivational Interviewing, I have been avoiding direct confrontation and instead asking him questions that help him to explore discrepancies between his behaviors and his personal fitness goals (Fisher & Harrison, 2012). I’ve also shared my own fitness journey and battle with insecurities regarding my physical appearance.  I am always certain to end our lifting session with lots of encouragement and affirmation.   

Fisher, G. L., Harrison, T. C.  (02/2012). Substance Abuse: Information for School Counselors, Social Workers, Therapists and Counselors,  5th Edition [VitalSource Bookshelf version].  Retrieved from vbk://9781269976756
Myers, David, Jean Twenge. Social Psychology, 12th Edition. McGraw-Hill Learning Solutions, 10/2015. VitalBook file.

Psychology Today. (2019). Self-Sabotage. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-sabotage